Welcome to the fascinating world of objects inserted into various body openings. Light bulbs, vibrators, small animals, candles, assorted produce (organic?), beverage containers (glass, plastic, 8 ounces to 2 liters, recycling taken to a ridiculous extreme) all have been visualized, x-rayed and removed by your humble medical provider.
In the ER, not telling the surgeon that the vibrator is still running and watching he or she jump back in surprise passes for humor. Keeping a non-judgemental facial expression can be more difficult than the actual removal.
The back story can be like a fractured fairy tale. "I was walking in the kitchen nude, slipped on a wet area and came down on the candle that just happened to be on the floor pointing up." "My pet gerbil was sleeping in the bed with me and must have thought my posterior was his den."
"I love my boyfriend but he needs a penis extender 'cause' he's so small."
I took an oath, Maimonides not Hippocratic. I try to respect the humanity of my patients. Don't judge, just treat.
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