C'est La Vie

It's Life! The founder of the Brotherhood Of Nocturnal Emergency Room doctors has made a decision. It is time to get off nights. I am at peace with the decision. The lack of sleep, the volume of patients, the constant stress has effected me mentally, physically and emotionally. The nursing staff has rightly complained about by surly and disruptive behavior. Patients who wait hours before seeing a physician or PA do not care about an old and tired ER doc's problems.

As I write this posting, I am waiting to find out my fate. Will I be allowed to stay at the hospital where I have worked for 29 years, or will my unprofessional actions send me on a job search? Retirement is not an option. A less stressful work situation is in order. Another physician in my group has been advocating for 8 hour night shifts for years. My fellow B.O.N.E.R. doc, Zorba and I have stubbornly clung to our 10 hour nights. Pride, arrogance, and hubris all contributed to my insistence on maintaining my schedule even as my health and interpersonal relationships suffered.

My problems are trivial compared to the fate of my mother and mother-in-law. Nearing 92 years of age, my mother has settled into her life in a nursing home. The facility is clean, well staffed and maintained, and Ma is safe and secure. That doesn't totally free me of the guilt of only seeing her once a week. My schedule and the distance between my home and the nursing home makes once a week visits all I can give. Ma is pleasantly confused. Her short term memory is impaired but she knows her family and friends and enjoys visitors, phone calls, and activities.

The exotic woman of indeterminate age, who is my wife, has a equally extraordinary mother. I met my mother-in-law some 40 years ago. She was intelligent, attractive and strong willed. My Dad advised to check out the mother of the women I dated. His words of wisdom proved fateful. Mother has lived a life of honor. She loved and cared for her husband as he became disabled from a progressive neurological disease. She loved her children and grandchildren. She and my wife travelled together, saw shows and had a wonderful mother-daughter relationship. Mother gave love and support to her sister, niece and nephew, friends and coworkers. She was still working in retail 32 hours a week when she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

Mother has survived breast and uterine cancer with attendent surgeries. She had one hip replaced twice and the other hip once. Osteoarthritis became another challenge to overcome. She kept in touch with old friends and made new friends as she moved and worked in different locations. Impeccably dressed and coifed, she exemplified class.

Since the last paragraph, I have left Starbucks and my meeting with the director of my group. I am sitting a few feet from Mother. She is resting comfortably. She smiled when I arrived and gave her a kiss. She wishes to die with dignity. She left the hospital for the last time and is home with hospice care. She is surrounded by her familiar belongings including furniture, pictures and her beloved collection of elephants. Her family will be with her until the end and honor her wishes.

Our family will continue our lives. We will be bereft but inspired by Mother's life.


The world's oldest ER doc will eventually get off the night shift. I will remain a B.O.N.E.R. doc in my heart. B.O.N.E.R. doc emeritus.