Reality Bites

No, this is not another blog about dental problems. I wish to comment on the egregiously unrealistic TV show "Untold stories of the ER". Today is another in an endless string of hot days. The world's oldest ER doc and his faithful hound do not take well to the heat. The lady of the house is visiting family in NY. After catching up on my reading and correspondence, and being bored watching baseball, I did a little channel surfing. An alleged ER doc with the worst hair piece I have seen in a decade, came into my den via "untold stories...". He was comparing moving a morbidly obese patient, to a veterinarian hoisting a horse.

TV dramas that depict activities in an ER are bad enough. Overly attractive, unbelievably self absorbed, and laughably over-sexed, these series are at least sold as fiction. Untold stories purports to represent my life's calling. Every ER doc, nurse, PA, and tech has a catalog of comic, tragic and mysterious tales of the ER that would make for better entertainment than "untold".

I sat in my chair mulling whether the guy with the bad rug was an awful actor or an ER doc desperately trying to achieve his 15 minutes of fame. My own pate is mostly gray and sports a high forehead and ever expanding bald spot. My head bears an uncanny resemblance to the tonsured cranium of a medieval monk. Middle age, male pattern baldness and 30 plus years of nights in the ER have shaped my melon. She, who must be obeyed, says that my bald spot is sexy. My lovely wife often favors me with a kiss on my hairless skull. My bald spot also acts as an efficient radiator, as I perspire exclusively in this area, when I eat hot peppers.

A recent documentary series has debuted that follows the exploits of health care workers at Harvard Medical School affiliated hospitals. This is a legitimate effort to portray medicine truthfully. My ER, in a community hospital, is a far cry from the tertiary care hospital shown in "Boston Medical". I don't have layers of residents and students and attending physicians from all necessary specialties available to me 24/7. My reality is that I have to stabilize and transfer patients to these wonderful meccas of medicine.

Some recent transfers included a teenager involved in a MVA. This patient had a midshaft fracture of the femur. The on-call orthopedic surgeon didn't wish to treat this patient. My partner had to arrange a transfer. I had to transfer a middle aged patient who had been admitted with an unexplained syncopal episode. When this person had a grand mal seizure, a CT showed a previously undiagnosed brain tumor. The neurosurgeon at our hospital agreed to treat this patient but the intensivist said no. The ICU doctor said that the neurosurgeon couldn't be relied on to be available in a crisis, and therefore the patient was shipped to one of those wonderful hospitals seen on "Boston Med".

If we could magically rescind the requirements of various state and federal privacy acts, then we could have a "real" ER show. I would wear the latest high tech mini camera. Nothing would be edited. Digitally disimpacting an elderly woman's rectum in streaming video from the "belly of the beast". Now that would be reality TV.